Hooray for Cacao

As if I needed an excuse to consume chocolate, pfff... Still it's nice to know that "unprocessed raw cacao and cocoa powder are good sources of some of the B vitamins, copper, calcium, manganese, magnesium, sulfur, potassium, iron and zinc." At least that is what my pregnancy book says as it promotes cacao consumption. Can anybody say - hot chocolate / choco-milk? YAY!!! Sometimes being pregnant rocks...

Speaking of magnesium - I learned from being pregnant that magnesium can not only help stave off miscarriages but can also improve heart function. Since your heart enlarges when you're pregnant and your body circulates 50% more blood than in its non-pregnant state - this is probably a good thing for helping the old ticker out... Even if you're not pregnant, if you're at risk for heart complications - look into magnesium, educate yourself and then talk it over with your doctor...

So that's all for today. Go out and do something fun - BOB and I are contemplating what to put on our agenda for the day. As it looks right now: we are probably going to enjoy some of that delicious Cacao!!!

All our very best,
Mommy and Bob

The bad day

Today is the bad day - one of the darkest spots in my history. Two years ago today, I found myself lying in a hospital fighting off a very serious blood infection. I survived it, ultimately, but my unborn-son did not. With that sad day behind me I can honestly say, it's amazing where you end up: "oh the places you'll go" (to borrow from of one of my favourite poets, Dr. Seuss)...

Today, I set here pregnant again with exactly the same due date as my first child. I sometimes wonder what the meaning of it is. A chance to do it all over? But my mind screams "NO it's not!!! There are no do-overs - my first child was just too tiny and fragile to fight the infection. This child is not that child." Then I think, is it God's sense of humour? Is it a test? Is it fate or a random position of events unfolding by happenstance in this universe?

Better to not go down that rathole. It is as it is and as it was meant to be and even if that cliché is untrue there is nothing I can do to make it otherwise. Instead, I will just try my best to forget I'm no longer naive to the dangers of pregnancy and how wrong things can go. I will try to push the mean, evil, horrid worries and thoughts from my brain and endeavor with all my might to enjoy this little blessing growing inside of me. I will remember my loss but use it as a method to appreciate the beauty, wonder and miracle that this child inside me already is and will be. Lastly, I will pray with all my might that this child will be born: happy, healthy and with all the faculties needed to have the opportunity for a good life.

I'm sorry to be Debbie Downer today but you have to experience the good with the bad. You have to be able to talk about it. We often (at least as Americans) swallow down our bad stuff and hide it deep inside to let it rot us from the inside out - all so we can not "inconvenience" or "make uncomfortable" those around us. The thing is - if those people really love us they will accept to listen and not try to cover it up with cliché phrases designed to smooth over the discomfort and fill the awkward silence. So please mommas and daddys out there going through this I say to you - while you may have lost your babies, I beg of you to find your voices. You must speak - it is one of the fastest, healthiest ways to heal your pain and to deliver yourself from this situation. It's not going to happen over night but with enough time it will get better...

For those of you who haven't had a loss: if you want a suggestion for what you can do, I have one. Simply say you're so sorry for their loss, hug them tight and let them cry on your shoulder. You can't fix it and you can't take the pain away but you can be there and that is the most important thing...

What you should NEVER do is say these things (no matter how well meaning you're trying to be)...

1) The fortune teller: It was meant to be.
- Well thanks, I'll remember that next time there is a loss in the family. When you tell me your Grandma, Brother or Uncle just passed away - I'll be sure to remind you of fate's ugly hand and how it must have been "meant to be".

2) #1's ugly cousin: It was for the best.
- Really? How are you qualified to decide what caused my child to die and that my life will somehow be better because this child didn't survive?

3) My absolute favourite: You're still young , you can always have more children.
- This one takes the cake folks, really. You would NEVER say this to someone that just lost their toddler. Sorry about this Joe - Bobby was such a cute little guy but hey - at least you can have more children. Just because a child hasn't been born yet doesn't make the loss any less real or painful. Please think before you say these hurtful words.

So sorry for today's soapbox tirade but I can't even say how many times I heard these phrases said to me or others and I felt a need to address it as it's really harmful behaviour.

I also really want to thank all the wonderful people who opened their hearts and shared with me their own stories. It's nice to know you're not alone when you go through something so heartwrenching and to know others care enough to help you get through it too...

All our very best,
Mommy and Bob

TGFS

TGFS: Thank goodness for socks

It's no secret Einstein was no fan of socks (yes, more useless trivia). I have to admit I'm normally not their biggest fan either. I think about the best feeling in the world is going barefoot on a nice spring/summer day. However, now that I'm pregnant, I have developed a whole new appreciation for those two small pieces of fabric. No, it's not because they keep my feet warm at night or because they hide the toenail polish I refuse to remove until the second trimester (yes I have my neurotic pregnancy quirks/superstitions too) but rather because they are the one piece of clothing I will not have to buy new to accomodate my expanding "figure". In fact, I think they deserve a new slogan all their own: "socks, the pregnant woman's best friend".

Ok, some of you will say the following things, in response:
1) Pregnant women are beautiful (and yes they are - I agree)
2) You will realize it's worth it in the end when you're holding your baby
3) The weight will come back off, don't worry
4) It's natural, the body has to expand so the baby can be accomodated
5) Something of the sort of numbers 1-4

Well then, this is what I have to say to you:
1) You are most likely a man
2) If you aren't a man, you are most likely a woman with selective amnesia who got pregnant before the age of 25.
3) Besides the physiological / chemical factors behind post-partum depression you might want to also consider yourself guilty. I mean come on, when six months to one year later I'm wallowing in sorrow, I've still got jelly belly, and my behind rivals the broadside of a Kansas barn in mass - I'll have your comforting clichés to thank... so I'll start now - Thanks a lot...

Besides raving about socks, let me apologize for not writing these past few days. I thought about writing a post called "peaches taste nice twice" two days ago but then thought better. Everyone knows a homage to the porcelain gods is a natural part of pregnancy - no need to go there as it can be a bit graphic. Besides, I'll let you other pregnant ladies figure out for yourself what "tastes nice twice" or at least doesn't make you want to go for a second round litany just to get the taste out of your mouth...

All our very best,
Mommy and Bob

Chompers

According to the really nifty book my husband's aunt and uncle got me - I'm on day 75 of this pregnancy and have 191 (very long) days to go. The coolest part about this book is its a daily journal and it tells you four things each day: baby's development, your development (i.e. the list of the common ailments for your particular point in the pregnancy journey), Food Facts (and what pregnant lady wouldn't want to know what she can safely stuff her face with?) and lastly, my favourite part, Childbirth in other cultures (filled with lots of fun facts and trivia).

In case you didn't know, I'm the queen of two things: colloquial phrases and useless trivia. Speaking of useless trivia, you might be interested to know that 75 days into your pregnancy your little bundle is already sporting a complete set of chompers. That's right: by today, all of baby's 20 baby teeth and their sockets have formed in the gums...

All the better to bite you with! :)

Sleeping Beauty

Ok, beauty may be a stretch but the sleeping part is spot on. This baby making business is energy consuming. I think I could rival a hibernating bear on sleep schedule. I have never been a napper but honestly for the last couple months I wouldn't make it through the day without a nap here and there.

I don't suspect that was my doctor's plan for writing me "krankgeschrieben" - putting me on medical leave - but I am extremely grateful. Otherwise I suspect I would wake to find myself drooling into my keyboard...

Hello World

So like any expecting mother, I relish the doctor appointments for one thing: the sonogram. What I don't relish about these appointments are the rubber sheathed vaginal wand violations of my most intimate parts. Being a realist, I understand that up to a certain point in time this is the only way to get the images. Despite that, there is still a little piece of me that likes to think, between the wanding and the medieval torture device of an examining chair, these German gynos are sadists.

Personally, I much prefer the "check-out line scanner" variety of ultrasound wand. Luckily for me, those days are coming...

Now back to the real point of my story (pre-tangent). Last time I went to the doctor for a check-up was the 14th of January. Bob was at this point 11 weeks and 1 day along in his/her journey: heart beating visibly on the monitor, arms and legs flailing (we've either got a swimmer in the making or a bad dancer - one or the other) and alles war in Ordnung (all is A.O.K. roughly translated of course). So this is the tangible result of that visit - BOB waiving out to us saying "Hello World, watch out here I come!".

Consider yourselves warned! :)

Fat Pants...

It it with great sadness that I admit I finally capitulated last night and cleaned out my closet of those clothes which are now too small to wear. My closet now has only my "fat jeans" which I can desperately cling to only through the use of a rubber/elastic hair band threaded around the button, through the button hole and back around the button. I figure this can buy me some time.

I also broke out the FAT PANTS (yes elastic waisted maternity pants), belly bands and the packages of the next largest size of underware. While I know (and all my maternity books tell me) I should NOT see myself as FAT but rather as a factory for baby production (or something like that) - I can't help it. I'm just crossing into the second trimester and I can't help but feel a bit disillusioned at this new body: wider hips and butt, rounding belly but not enough to look pregnant - just enough to look like a few too many hamburgers, and the breasts. While most women (and definitely their husbands {mine included}) relish the thought of larger breasts - I frankly am appauled by their soreness and the fact that I don't know what to do with all that extra skin out there...

I know it's the best for BOB but I sure hope the extra cushion gets outta Dodge as soon as BOB makes his/her way into the world...

So who's BOB?

Hi there,

Who is BOB? Well the answer to that depends on who you are and where you've lived. When I lived in Belgium several years back, BOB was what we Americans like to refer to as the D.D. For me, these days, BOB has nothing to do with alcohol consumption; particularly as alcohol is strictly forbidden for the next 6-7 months of my life. No my friends BOB is not a person, well not in the sense you might be thinking of anyway. BOB is an acronymn. BOB is short for: baby on board.

That's right everybody - we're expecting a little bundle of joy to add to our family in August (though one can never truly be sure about the illustrious due date). This is our journey as a family: here for our friends and family that want to come along for the ride, here for the casual reader who just likes living vicariously through others, this is a point of sharing for other parents or soon to be's out there and this is for those who lost babies/children along the way. I know your pain personally and in my way I'm sure I'll talk some about that also here. In fact, I'm facing that hard day next week. The 29th of January will be two years since I lost my first child: a son. Being pregnant again with that monster looming in the not so distant future leaves me a little more anxious than I'd like to admit. The good news - it too shall pass as it has each year before this one...

So back to BOB - well I suppose it's not such a nice "in womb name": but it is easy and fun - as bob is bob - forwards or backwards. I suppose the "womb name" concept is not so foreign as I've seen some of my facebook friends discuss the concept. I guess I could give the baby an older German name like Dagmar or Hildegard in honor of the other side of it's lineage but I find those names even crueler than Bob and not nearly as much fun... Along the same lines: a friend of mine Simone is also preggo and she has taken to calling her baby Georgie (perhaps it will be changed to Georgina if it's a girl). So perhaps a womb name isn't so bad... The only question is what will BOB be if it's a she and not a he?